How you communicate anger (or don’t) - 4 types
Aggressive
Expressing that only their needs, wants, and feelings matter. The other person is bullied and needs are ignored. Bulldozing. “Mean.”
Inappropriately honest
Poor emotional regulation, easily frustrated
Unwilling to compromise or own their part
Speak in loud, hostile way
Use of criticism, humiliation, domination
Frequently interrupts and doesn’t listen
Disrespectful towards others
“Violent” and scares audience
Passive Aggression
A.k.a “anger in a tuxedo”. Will express anger by snubbing, witholding, banging pots, making “jokes”. Covertly mean.
Emotionally repressed and dishonest
Unclear, indirect, ineffective communication
Causes “fight/flight” in recipient, perhaps even the whole room, but leaves most confused and unclear what the other person wants
Nobody wins, everbody loses
Passive
Prioritizes the needs, wants, feelings of everyone else and at their own expense. Often these people are taken advantage of even by well intentioned people who simply don’t know this persons needs/wants. Too “nice”.
Emotionally repressed and dishonest
Soft-spoken, quiet, self-denying
Lacks confidence
Doesn’t know needs, prioritizes others’ needs over their own
Self-denying, self-blaming, apologetic
Can lead to explosions of anger
Assertive
Emphasizes the importance of both people’s needs. Person stands up for their own needs/wants/feelings, yet listens to others’. Confident and respectful. “Firm”.
Appropriately honest and firm, mature
Empathic and respectful to all involved
Deeply connected to own emotional state and that of the other
Clearly states wants, listens actively without interruption, compromising
Non-violent communication
“I” statements, good boundaries