Anger management 101

Anger itself is not a “bad” emotion, quite the opposite. It’s a healthy response to injustice! To our boundaries being crossed, to violation. MLK and RBG would be examples of anger harnessed for healthy and generative results. 

It can be protective and productive, full of energy, and can be heroic. But excessive anger can become addictive and destructive to our health and our relationships. In the long-term, unchecked anger can cause inflammation, heart disease, reduced lung function, digestive problems, and skin flare ups.

In relationships it can lead to violence, which aside from being anti-social, has vast and expansive consequences. Even if your anger doesn’t lead to physical violence, yelling or punching holes in walls can scare the heck out of spouses / children who might take it as a threat to their lives, which constitutes emotional violence. This can have legal consequences, too.

I’ve run a few anger management groups, some for court-ordered individuals, and they are some of the most lively and fun groups to work with. Anger also comes up a lot in my men’s groups. It’s an immensely powerful emotion, especially since there’s always deeper emotions underneath (sadness, shame, fear).

Some folks in these groups considered themselves “not an angry person”, but one day they snapped and did something they really regretted. Repressing your anger can have life-changing consequences, too.

Short term tools:

• Take a time out, leave the situation

• Consider the consequences of your anger

• Cold exposure

• Intense exercise

• Paced breathing

• Know your triggers

Long term tools:

• Set boundaries

• Assertive communication

• Mindfulness practice

• Exercise routine

• Individual therapy/group work

• Learn to feel your emotions

• Equitable relationships w/ open communication

• Manage substance use

How has anger helped you in your life? How has anger hurt you or others in your life?